


You should've thought twice before you let it all go (and there you are on your knees, begging for forgiveness)

by Sol (Hartley_Jr)



Series: It was a moment of weakness, and you said "yes" [2]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, I hate myself, Lots of Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 03:58:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6179305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hartley_Jr/pseuds/Sol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard <i>needed</i> to know the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You should've thought twice before you let it all go (and there you are on your knees, begging for forgiveness)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Nadine and Joanna for beta-ing this.

It was 3:30 am when they got to his flat. They were all exhausted. Mick went to sleep as soon as they arrived, cursing since he left the station. Lisa accompanied him to the room he shared with Hartley. It was dark and they saw the bed was completely untouched. Knowing what that meant, she offered to keep him some company until he came back.  
  
¨Go to sleep, little sister. It's been a long day.¨  
  
¨Are you sure Lenny? I can stay here, I have no problem with that.¨ she said, looking at him with sympathy.  
  
¨Yeah, just go.¨ he answered, smiling, but he was sure that she could see that he was faking it. Lisa had always been able to see through his bad boy facade, always knowing what he felt. It seemed that this time was no different. She hugged him tight and then went to her room.  
  
Leonard decided to lay down on the bed. His body was sore. Hartley's parents' bodyguards hit him pretty hard, though he had received worse from his own father.  
  
Time passed, minute after minute, and he couldn't sleep. Every time he turned around was a reminder of how empty the bed was. He had tried to call Hartley a couple of times, but he went to the voicemail. ¨Hello, I'm Hartley. I can't answ- _SHH! Shut up!_ I can't answer right now, please leave a message.¨ It felt like a bitter confirmation both times.  
  
His mind didn't stop reminding him of everything that had happened, and he could pinpoint the exact moment everything went south: when he told them not to shoot the bodyguards. After that, everything happened quickly. When he could realize, they were handcuffed and laid down on the marble floor. He heard a little voice calling for Hartley and he figured out it was his sister's when he heard Hartley's voice get softer. When Leonard could see her, she had her eyes fixed on her older brother, fear written all over her face. He wanted to get up and explain her that Hartley wasn't a bad person. In fact, he was one of the better he'd ever met, that the place where they were taken wasn't that awful and nothing bad could happen to his brother. That they were on a secret mission. _Anything_ to stop her from looking at Hartley that way, because he could imagine the pain the other was feeling. When they were dragged outside, he couldn't tear his eyes from Hartley, trying to catch his eye to reassure him that everything would be okay and that he'd help him to see his little sister again, but his head was bowed. He was his own world, and looked like he was about to cry. Leonard had never regretted something as much as he did with that robbery.  
  
They were locked up in different cells. His was empty, and he laid down looking at the ceiling, thinking. He couldn't get Hartley's and Jerrie's expressions out of his head. After several hours, a cop appeared and opened his door, urging him to get out.  
  
¨What's going on?¨  
  
¨Someone paid your bail.¨  
  
¨What? Who?¨ he asked as he was reunited with everybody else. Hartley wasn't among them ¨Where is the other one? Rathaway is his last name.¨  
  
¨Someone called Mardon.¨ the cop answered looking at some papers ¨And the other guy isn't here. He was released an hour ago. Someone also paid his bail.¨  
  
¨Who?¨  
  
¨Dr. Harrison Wells.¨ Leonard felt empty. He noted how Mick and Lisa stopped talking as soon as they heard the name. He also could feel how they were staring at him, but he grabbed his belongings and went outside. Both followed him. Mick tried to find some topic to talk about and he ended up complaining about how the robbery had been a total failure, while Lisa remained silent, walking at his side. He tried to tell himself that he may be in his apartment, waiting for them, but he knew deep inside that it was a lie.  
He also remembered a picnic they (Lisa, Mardon, Mick, Hartley and him) had had. It had been Lisa's idea and Hartley, as always, supported her. It was a sunny day and it was getting hot. They sat under an old and big oak's shadow and spent the whole afternoon playing as they were teenagers instead of class thieves. It had been the first time he saw Hartley truly laugh and he realized he could spend his whole life watching him like that. The revelation shocked him and he tried to get rid of it, but the image of how his eyes got smaller and lit up with mirth wouldn't stop popping in his mind and filling his chest with a feeling he hadn’t had since he was a little boy, when he still believed life could get better. That day was one of the best in his life, and he fondly treasured it in his memory. But now, it was just bittersweet. It felt distant and cold.  
  
He decided to get up because it was evident that he wouldn't sleep. The clock scored 5:50am. He grabbed his laptop, which was under his bedside table, and went to the living room. He tried to distract himself by checking the news (they were the headline of the day) and watching Youtube videos.  
  
He heard the lock click and saw how the door was opened. Hartley appeared before him with his head bowed, deep in thought. But when Leonard got up, he went still and put on a fake smile.  
  
¨What are you doing here?¨ he asked, getting closer ¨I thought you wouldn't be released until midday.¨ When he reached him, he hugged him and Leonard limply returned it.  
  
¨Mardon paid our bail.¨ he answered, coldly. Hartley looked at him, puzzled, but he ignored it ¨Where were you?¨  
  
This time, something reassembling anguish crossed behind his eyes, but he quickly masked it. He was a good liar, that was one of the first things he found out about Hartley when they met, but he never imagined he would see him lying to his face.  
  
¨At my home. My parents paid the bail.¨  
  
Leonard couldn't. He couldn't see how he fooled him, couldn't ignore the situation (even though he wanted to do that more than anything else), couldn't resist the doubt...  
  
¨Don't lie, _please_. Not to me.¨ he said, looking directly into his eyes ¨You were with Harrison, weren't you?¨  
  
Hartley was perplexed.¨N..No..¨ he answered, but after looking at him, he closed his eyes and sighed ¨Yes.¨  
  
Leonard stared at him, eyes full of hurt. He felt like an idiot. How had this happened? Until last day, they were happy. Until last day, looking at Hartley filled his chest with joy, now he just wanted to put as much space between them as he could. He started moving away from him, but the other grabbed his hand and he turned around. He saw that his eyes were full of guilt.  
  
¨I'm sorry, I'm _so_ sorry...Forgive me, please...I don't know why I did it. I felt bad with myself and I did something that I knew was going to make me feel worse, but I didn't think about the consequences. Sorry...Sorry...Please.¨ his voice cracked and faded in that last word. He was crying, his whole face was wet.  
  
¨Why?¨ he asked, weakly, taking his hand out of Hartley's hold. He didn't realize when he started crying, but he felt his face cold and damp. The question threw Hartley off, and he answered it after a few seconds.  
  
¨Because I needed to distract myself after what happened with my sister...¨ when Leonard didn't answer, he continued ¨I'm sorry...It was stupid, a moment of weakness...I'll never do it again...Forgive me, Lenny, _please_.¨ hearing his nickname took the air out of his lungs. Hartley reached out to touch his face, but he backed, as if his touch burnt him.  
  
¨You should go.¨ he said, his voice wavering.  
  
¨Len, no...Please...I love you, it was stupid. Please, don't take me out of your life.¨ he said, raising his voice.  
  
¨ _Then you shouldn't have slept with your ex!_ ¨ Leonard screamed furiously, with traces of crying in his voice. Hartley looked at him, hurt. He took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. ¨Leave, please.¨  
  
Hartley nodded and, wiping his tears, went to the door. He looked at where Leonard stood, searching for his eyes, but he was staring at the floor. He couldn't look at him. As soon as the door was closed, Lisa appeared at his side. The door had woken her up and she had heard everything. Leonard couldn't hold back any longer and fell to the floor on his knees, crying, drowning. The ache he felt was incredible. He felt betrayed, empty...Lisa was there in less than an instant and hugged him tightly. They both remained like that for hours.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if there was a slight ooc-ness.  
> I've been talking to my sister and we arrived to the conclusion that, if Len ever falls in love, he'll give his 200% to the person he loves.  
> I want to apologize for all the angst. I listened to 'You're not sorry', 'Should've said no' and 'White horse' while writing this.


End file.
